


Five times Sirius Black failed to ask out Remus Lupin (and one time he didn't)

by winchero



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Explicit Language, Hogwarts, M/M, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Oblivious
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-03
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-02-24 00:53:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2562056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winchero/pseuds/winchero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something happened that morning when he opened his eyes to find that both he and Moony had fallen into bed without bothering to draw the curtains (due to the fact they had been gloriously drunk on stolen Firewhiskey) and therefore, for the first time since they had been first years, he saw Remus fast asleep. And oh, what a sight… Rumpled hair, calm expression, tiny amount of drool… He was beautiful. And fuck it if Sirius could not stop thinking that one little word all day. Beautiful. His best friend is fucking beautiful. Oh God. Sirius Black fancies Remus Lupin</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to Claire (noblearthur) for being my wonderful beta and Cora (teenage-mutant-ninja-cora) for being my wonderful cheerleader,in all my fic adventures. I'll also leave a little reminder to checkout my tumblr (willherondale.tk) and to drop me comments telling me what you think about this little story!

Sirius Black does not believe in love at first sight. No way. Not at all. Whoever invented the concept was a fucking idiot and probably deserved to die in whatever horrible way he ended up dying in. Honestly, the guy (or girl, you never know), obviously based his (let’s be honest, realistically, only a guy could be idiotic enough to come up with the love at first sight shit) concept (theory? idea? belief?) on nothing more than his dick rising to attention when he saw someone really hot. Because that's all it is, really, right? Lust. Lust Sirius understands. Hell fucking yeah lust he gets, for example, that one time in Ancient Runes when… Actually, that train of thought does not need to travel all the way to the train station and therefore he will remain on the right track- And why the fuck is he talking about trains?

The truth of the matter is that something happened that morning when he opened his eyes to find that both he and Moony had fallen into bed without bothering to draw the curtains (due to the fact they had been gloriously drunk on stolen Firewhiskey) and therefore, for the first time since they had been first years, he saw Remus fast asleep. And oh, what a sight… Rumpled hair, calm expression, tiny amount of drool… He was beautiful. And fuck it if Sirius could not stop thinking that one little word all day. Beautiful. His best friend is fucking beautiful. Oh God. Sirius Black fancies Remus Lupin. This thought subsequently led to the inner discussion about how ridiculous the whole love at first sight thing is, of course, because that's entirely logical... Because Sirius has been seeing Remus almost every day for the past six years and never once has he thought fuck… Moony is hot as fuck… 

Of course, that could easily be lust again. As a very typical 17-year-old boy Sirius is very… uhm… friendly with his not-always-so-subtle lust-o-meter but little Sirius wasn't acting up (oh God, stop with the puns, inner Sirius) this morning (at least, no more so than usual). Instead, horror of horrors, he felt a tug? Feeling? What is the word? A something in his chest and for the life of him, he could not stop staring at this guy who he had known for 6 years and never once had so much as thought about him and the word "beautiful" in the same sentence. But there you have it, there is indeed a first time for everything, and this morning was Sirius' first time being attracted (?) to Remus Lupin.

Is attracted even the right word? Is it more? Is it the dreaded sentiment "like like"? Is it less? Is it simply a case of "wow Moony you're making me loopy can we please fuck?" (That one is definitely wrong… because Sirius would totally have to add on to the end of that sentence a very manly and entirely non-desperate plea for cuddles after the fucking.) Or, worst of all, is it lo-

"Padfoot! Padfoot what the actual fuck? Charms started 10 minutes ago??? Why were you not there??? Paaaddddfoooooottt why are you not answering me?" Prongs. Prongs was shouting into his ear very loudly and also waving a hand in his face and oh God does he [insert the very scary capital "L" word here] Moony?

Sirius unfreezes with a groan and simultaneously drops his face into his hands. James' hands immediately land on his shoulders and in that just-on-the-edge-of-violence way only older brothers and best friends are capable of, shakes him until his teeth chatter. 

"Why are you not in charms and why do you look like Mrs Norris ate your goldfish?" Prongs, the bastard, demands. Sirius merely shakes his head, refusing to answer. Wow. He didn't realise that Wormtail and Prongs would probably find it vitally important to hear this rather intriguing information that Sirius may be a little bit gay for Moony. (The "gay" thing was kinda already out of the bag though. Oddly enough, Sirius and Remus came out to their friends on the exact same day in third year: Remus as full on gay, and Sirius as "bi… maybe pan… I don't know man this is all very complicated and people are very hot and I am obviously the hottest so doesn't it seem very cruel to just restrict myself to one gender?")

"Sirius I will punch you. I swear it. Mum will get mad but I will risk her wrath. This is your final chance to tell me what the fu- Ow! You bastard!" So maybe Sirius punched him first… In his defence, James had been shaking him, and also using his patronising Head Boy voice, which was really just too far. Also Sirius needed an outlet for his feelings and seeing as how he was never going to do something as wimpish as talking about them, punching Prongs was the next logical solution. 

Prongs punches back, of course, just as Sirius expected and in no time at all they are rolling on the floor, limbs flying everywhere, and he'd be worried about the state of his hair if he wasn't so worried about the FACT THAT HE IS SERIOUSLY CRUSHING ON REMUS RIGHT NOW, PUN INFUCKINGTENDED. The punch that coincided with that thought may have accidentally been fuelled with particular malice for soon after it landed James' wince followed. He feels a little bad, but not bad enough to stop just yet.

James finally gets the upper hand and it isn't long until Sirius cracks. He never was good at keeping his mouth shut when Prongs pressed his thumb into the pressure point on his shoulder-

"Ow, fuck! Okay, okay, you wanker, I like Moony, okay? Like really really really like Moony! As in, I may or may not wish to have his little werewolf babies!" Sirius yells. James' hand drops from his shoulder and his mouth falls open wide enough for Sirius to find out what he had for lunch, if he was curious (and didn't already know). Sirius is a cruel, cruel man and so naturally takes advantage of his best friend's momentary weakness due to the sheer shock of the truth which had just been told, and begins punching him again with great fury.

"Padfoot? Prongs? Oh honestly! Don't you realise you have wands…? Fist-fighting is so childish…" Moony's voice breaks through Sirius' must-punch-the-living-shit-out-of-Potter haze and he finds himself being tugged off James by Remus. And wow… Remus is touching the skin at the back of his neck. He did not fucking shiver. He did not! Okay… maybe he tingled a little. But in a manly way!

Moony's hands are still on his shoulders and Sirius cannot comprehend how this most platonic of touches can be setting his nerves on fire and causing butterflies to Apparate into his stomach. After what feels like centuries Remus drops his lean fingers from Sirius's shoulders to take up his wand and begin to mutter healing charms for their various cuts and bruises. James catches Sirius' eye as Remus is busy with split lips and eyebrows, black eyes and busted knuckles. His mouth shapes words Sirius was entirely not expecting, such as "tell him" and "fuck, wait ‘till I tell Wormtail" and the dreaded "do you love him?"

Sirius looks away from James without answering, instead choosing to stare at Moony's furrowed brow and his pink lips forming quiet words and his long fingers waving his wand… Yeah, no, looking at Moony isn't the best idea either, at least, not until he figures out just what exactly he feels for him. Maybe someone had slipped him a little Amortentia and that was why he was acting like a fucking idiot… Yeah, his safest bet for now was just to completely ignore Moony until it wore off. Suppress your emotions until they just disappear. Hey, it had worked after his family disowned him; it stood to reason that it work equally as well now. He forgot, however, his asshole best friend-

"Sirius Black, I swear to Merlin, if you don't fucking tell him I will." Great. Well done, James. You ruined a perfectly reliable plan and, oh yeah, great now Remus Lupin is looking right at Sirius Black. Fuck. Moony has looked at Sirius so many times, why is it only affecting him now? And he doesn't even have an emotion in his eye, just mild curiosity. Curiosity is a good look for him though… Fuck, they're both looking at him. How long did he zone out for?

"Sirius? Tell me what?" Remus should not sound sexy. He should sound like reproach and sarcasm and long-suffering-ness, not like molten chocolate and warm nights in front of the common room fire and home. Sirius winces, since when did he feel things for Moony other than general Marauder feelings? It cannot have just started this morning… Why, though, did he only recognise the feeling that morning? Dear lord Jesus fuck, what the actual fuck is wrong with him.

"Sirius, honestly, you aren't even deluding yourself anymore, so just fucking ask him, alright?" James then proceeds to turn his back on them, giving them some semblance of privacy, though Sirius will be damned if he didn't just see Prongs' ears strain to hear every single detail of the "conversation" sue to happen. Remus, who was watching James throughout this exchange, turns to gaze quizzically at Sirius, arched eyebrow et al. 

"I don't know what his deal is, Moony, maybe he's still a little inebriated from last night's bender. I say we just ignore him and put Flitwick out of his misery." James whirls back around, curses spewing from his lips. Sirius grins conspiringly at Remus, doing his damnest not to collapse into a puddle of goo and feelings at the other boy's feet, and shrugs, twirling a finger beside his temple and whispering, "Loopy."

James is most definitely far too invested in this disaster which is Sirius's ridiculous crush on a certain werewolf, for the expression on his face when he glares at Sirius is positively murderous. Sirius really doesn't understand why Prongs cares so much, because, for one, his best friend is big on the whole bromance loyalty thing, and for two, even though he knew that there was a potential for Sirius and Remus to get together (given that they are both rather fond of kissing boys), he has never once, in all of their epic dare battles, which have included numerous kissing challenges (Mrs Norris, a flobberworm, and McGonagall to name but a few), he has never once dared the two in question (that is, the dog and the werewolf) to so much as hold hands. So why the hell is he so adamant that Sirius tells Remus that he is having a huge, enormous, crisis over the fact that he really, really, maybe, potentially likes him as something more than a friend?

"You have five seconds to tell him before I do, Padfoot." James bites out, holding up   
one finger and a second later, raising another. Sirius can feel himself beginning to sweat. Shit. How the actual fuck do you tell your best friend that you want to kiss them until their mouth tastes like you, and that you also want to wake up beside them every morning, even when you are both old with saggy skin and bald heads? Oh fuck another finger just went up during Sirius' deliberation period. No time for eloquence, maybe he should just ask him out in the age old manner…

"Okay, okay," deep breath, "Remus Lupin, would you, I mean, will you, I mean, do you mind, fuck, I mean, I really like, no fuck," damn, Black, articulate as fuck, "Look, do you think that you'd maybe want to go out-"

"Black, Potter, Lupin! Charms started 20 minutes ago! Professor Flitwick has no idea where any of you are and is refusing to send out another search party, seeing as how his previous two mysteriously vanished," Professor McGonagall somehow managed to creep up on them, fucking sly cat she is, and is now staring down her long nose at the three of them (Sirius will never understand how she manages to look down on them, seeing as how the three of them finally overtook her, height wise, last summer). Her pursed lips open once more to issue the final nail to be hammered into the coffin, "Let's see, 20 minutes late means 20 points from Gryffindor house. Now go before Professor Flitwick comes looking for me!"

And so they scurry off, like the mere mice they are under McGonagall's stern gaze and Sirius discretely wipes his brow, grateful for the distraction of classes and a brief delay in having to study his inner self. James glares at him as they slide into their seats at the back of the classroom full of exploding pillows however, and he knows that he won't be able to escape his ridiculous crush on Moony forever, though he probably could have concluded that himself, after he catches sight of Remus in front of him and his stomach does a loop-de-loop.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius Black is Afraid. Afraid of his feelings for his best friend. Afraid of what his other best friends might do. Mostly afraid that Moony will tell him to bugger off and laugh at Sirius for believing that a god like Moony could lower himself to becoming the significant other of a mere mortal such as Sirius. Well, maybe “mere” is a little too common for one such as Sirius Orion Black….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my God I'm sorry it's been so long since I updated, but thank you all for your continued support and I hope you like this!

After his Ancient Runes class, one of the few classes Sirius takes that is Marauder-free, he skips dinner in the Great Hall, choosing instead to drop by the kitchens and filch some food from the ever-generous house elves. He has too much Transfiguration homework to waste time eating with his friends, obviously, and clearly he is not avoiding his friends because he is afraid. But in truth, Sirius Black, fearless vampire slayer, the bringer of the dawn, the legendary pirate king (or whatever else the third year girls are calling him nowadays), is most definitely afraid. Afraid of his feelings for his best friend. Afraid of what his other best friends might do. Mostly afraid that Moony will tell him to bugger off and laugh at Sirius for believing that a god like Moony could lower himself to becoming the significant other of a mere mortal such as Sirius. Well, maybe “mere” is a little too common for one such as Sirius Orion Black…

“Happy Hippogriff,” he mumbles to the Fat Lady, who glares at him as she swings open.

“I miss the old, charming you,” she grouches while he swings himself gracefully through the hole. 

“Oh good, you brought food. I’m hungry. Are you hungry, Pete? You see, we missed eating in the Great Hall because we had this sneaking suspicion that our dear friend Padfoot would fail to show, didn’t we Pete?”

“Oh bugger this and fuck off James, I don’t have time for your shit, I’ve Transfiguration to do,” Of course James Fucking Potter got himself involved. The fucking tool. And he got Wormtail involved too. Fucking brilliant. 

“Sirius, is it really true that you’ve got yourself a boner for our dear Moony?” Peter drawls from where he sits enveloped in one of the comfy armchairs by the fire. Prongs paces, his brow furrowed as it tends to do when he tries to plan Quidditch strategy, and he doesn’t look up as Sirius plops himself down beside them.

“Pete, I’m disgusted you would ask such a thing and I’m not deigning you with an answer. And what Prongs, did you just leave Moony to eat all by his lonesome?” Sirius mentally applauds himself for that one; James always crumbles when he lays on the guilt.

“Moony said he wanted to write a letter home, so he wouldn’t bother with dinner this evening,” Wormtail, the fucking rat, confesses.

Prongs paces on, and Wormtail begins to look at Sirius’ food parcel with a gleam in his eyes, so Sirius decides that they may as well eat while they wait for James to lose the constipated face. The smell of fresh baked bread wafts up from the opened parcel, and Sirius moans just as James shouts “Eureka”, thus causing Sirius’ moan to turn into a lot of choking coughing and Wormtail to scream softly.

“I know what we’ll do,” James announces, “Pete, do you still have the fireworks from Christmas?” At Peter’s nod of assent James continues, “Okay lads, prepare yourselves, this may well be the best plan I’ve ever devised. Okay, so Padfoot, you’ll ask Remus to come for a walk down past the lake this evening, while me and Wormtail sneak the fireworks outside. When you and Moony reach the tree, stand there and wait. Me and Pete will be incognito on the other side, and while you and Moony are staring all sickeningly into each others’ eyes, Pete and me throw the fireworks into the lake. This will succeed in getting the lovebirds’ attention, and creating a massive splash. With the water from the splash, Wormtail and I will Transfigure the water to spell “Remus will you go out with me”, and voila, Sirius gets a boyfriend and stops being all mopey and piney when he thinks no one is looking.”  
Wormtail greets the plan with a round of applause, though Sirius remains sceptical. 

“Okay, one: I am not mopey and piney. Two: this is a terrible fucking plan and it’s not going to work. And three: maybe I don’t want to go out with Remus, maybe I just want to screw him, ever thought about that Prongs, huh? Huh?” 

Wormtail and Prongs share an eyeroll, and Peters proceeds to say, matter of fact as he is, “Look Padfoot, we all know you’ve fancied Remus since you were fourteen, so buck up and ask him out already.”

Sirius splutters, “I, Sirius Black, have not fancied Remus Lupin since I was fourteen and on top of that, how do I know that you, Peter Pettigrew, do not fancy the above named Remus Lupin too? Oooh never thought about that one, did you? Or maybe you like one James Potter, oh yes, I’m on to you now fucking rat wanker piece of shit son of a bitch asshole douchebag…”

He rambles on as Peter whispers wide-eyed to Prongs, “I think he’s finally gone crazy.”

“Nah, Pete, he’s in love, love does crazy things to you,” Prongs adopts the faraway look he reserves specifically for thoughts of Lily, and Sirius wouldn’t be surprised if his mouth started to water.

“No no no no no no no no no nonononononononononono no Prongs we are not doing it. I don’t care what you say I am not ready to ask Remus Lupin out. Sirius Black does not cope well with rejection and ergo he must be sure before lowering himself to his knees and offering his delicate blood pump to a wolf who could easily devour it whole. And anyway, Moony would NEVER agree to go to the lake so close to summer exams and certainly not with a fool in love such as I. Finally, of all the places I wish to take Moony-“

“Where do you want to take Moony?” Sirius’ back stiffens as a jumper-ed presence enters through the portrait hole. He refuses to turn and face the wool-clothed figure who is most likely wearing his thick-rimmed glasses with his hair rumpled from his own nervous fingers and his lips red from thoughtful nibbling. Oh fuck, Sirius is so screwed.

“Moony, Moony, Moony, Sirius wants to take you down to the lake tonight because he has very important things to tell you and actually,” James glances at his watchless wrist, “you should probably get going. Here’s your cloak Padfoot, we can’t find Remus’ right now, but if he gets cold you’ll share right? Good. Enjoy boys!”

And then they are unceremoniously shoved out of the common room with the Fat Lady swinging shut behind them. Finally, finally, Sirius turns to look at Remus, Remus with his rumpled hair and jumper full of holes and delicate bone structure and oh…... He’s so pretty…

“Padfoot? Are we going to the lake or not? I have DADA homework to do…” And with those sacred words, Remus begins to stalk away from Sirius, who abandons all composure and sprints to catch up.

“He huh, yeah, um , the lake, sure, we’ll talk then, yup, so how was life, I mean, how is Remus, um no, I just, uh, how are you?” When did Sirius Black lose his eloquence? He is the man who has made grown women cry at the ambrosia dripping from his lips. Hell, he’s even seen McGonagall tear up at his recitation of the goblin poet, Walburt the Wonderful.

“Sirius, what the fuck is wrong with you today?” Remus’ hands swing by his side as he walks and Sirius wants-

“CanIholdyourhand nowaitFUCK,” they both grind to a halt in the middle of the Entrance Hall.

“What did you say?” it’s a question Remus knows the answer to, but he asks it anyway, and Sirius doesn’t have a good enough response. So he lashes out. It’s what he’s good at, he supposes, always the easiest strategy to deal with anything…

“I was joking, Remus, obviously. Why, did you think I meant it? That’s fucking sick. And anyway, life isn’t a fucking Beatles song. Grow the fuck up,” and cue running away really fast because that’s another thing Sirius Black is good at. So is not looking back, but that’s a skill he’s actually proud of. Not looking back ensures that he doesn’t see Regulus in his memories of his parents, so he can hate them without guilt. And now not looking back guarantees that he will never have an image in his mind of Remus looking hurt and lost, too small in the deserted Entrance Hall.

So when later that evening, James arrives first in the dormitory, Sirius succeeds in keeping his breath even while he’s told that he fails at handling feelings and he should have seen how bloodshot Remus’ eyes were when he returned to the common rooms. And when Peter enters about an hour later, Sirius succeeds in remaining still as he is told that he may have just ruined all hopes of a relationship and possibly a friendship. And when Remus crawls into bed much, much later without saying a single word to Sirius, Sirius succeeds in not crying too loudly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fingers crossed the next chapter will be up soon!


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius had hoped to fix things this morning, tell Remus that he was sorry for behaving like an ass, accept the fact that he had a pathetic crush on his god-like best friend who would never like him back, promise that he would repress said feelings, and tell Remus to forget about the whole disaster. But no. Apparently Remus can’t even bear to be in the same room as him anymore, which is understandable, but it fucking sucks nevertheless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive me for it taking soooo long to update! It's probably not worth it, but I do intend to actually finish this fic, as I'm getting quite invested in this little story I've come up with.

The next day is not… pretty. Hell, even Sirius is not pretty, which has never once occurred since he began Hogwarts. Ask anyone; Sirius is always pretty. Even when he’s hung-over, he’s haggard enough to look heroin-chic, and when he’s ill, his cheeks bloom pink and his eyes shine, like a 19th Century maiden dying of tuberculosis, but it is possible for Sirius to look like shit, and today is the day that the world discovers this.

  
It’s a Thursday, which means early morning Quidditch practise, which means that James is out of the dorm room at the crack of dawn, and Peter leaves an hour later (no one can tell whether Peter is naturally just an early riser, or the smell of bacon wafting from the Great Hall every morning lures him out of bed). Normally, Sirius and Remus are the last to leave the dorm in the morning, and they even have a little routine as a result. Both wake up (begrudgingly) at around eight, but with Sirius needing to shower, fix his hair, get dressed, and try not to look at Remus’ shirtless body as he eventually pulls himself out of his duvet, he typically doesn’t go down to breakfast until 8.45. Remus leaves the dorm at the same time, but for largely different reasons, primarily the fact that it takes him a good half hour to physically pry himself out of his bed every morning.

  
However, when Sirius wakes up at half past eight, Remus is not in the room, and Sirius is all alone. Although he woke up later than usual (thanks, sleepless night), he expected Remus to still be under his own covers, desperately seeking another five minutes of sleep. He’d hoped to fix things this morning, tell Remus that he was sorry for behaving like an ass, accept the fact that he had a pathetic crush on his god-like best friend who would never like him back, promise that he would repress said feelings, and tell Remus to forget about the whole disaster. But no. Apparently Remus can’t even bear to be in the same room as him anymore, which is understandable, but it fucking sucks nevertheless.

  
Sirius groans and rolls onto his back, knowing he has to get up soon if he wants to make Transfiguration at nine, but the temptation of remaining in bed all day and wallow in self-pity is encouraging him to linger in his bed for another while at least. So maybe he lets his eyes drift shut, as he visualises all those mornings with Remus, and how beautiful he looks with tousled hair and thick-rimmed glasses, shirtless and bleary eyed, and maybe he falls back to sleep, and maybe he has the most amazing dream involving the above image of Remus, but in Sirius’ bed, and sleepily batting away Sirius’ attempts to plant a kiss on him, before maybe waking up enough to reciprocate and-  
“Sirius Orion Black get the fuck up you lazy git!” Well that certainly is not a Remus voice, or any Marauder voice for that matter, which means…

  
“Lily? What the fuck?” Sirius yelps, immediately awake, and clutching his duvet to his chest, because there is maybe a bit of action going on in his boxers, and that is definitely a sight that he doesn’t need Prongs’ girlfriend to see.

  
“James sent me up to check on you because a) he didn’t want you to miss Transfiguration, but b) he’s really pissed at you and doesn’t want to talk to you himself, which means c) he’s really upset because he hates fighting with his friends, and d) he’s probably only making you got to Transfiguration so that he has an excuse for sitting beside you and talking to you again. Also, e) why are you covering your boobs? Free the nipple, Black.”

  
“Um… Fuck,” Sirius falls out of bed, tugs on his robes, and rakes a hand through his hair, “Yeah, okay, come on then.”

  
Lily’s lively expression falls away to a pinched frown of concern, and instead of following Sirius out the door, she reaches out to grab his wrist and pull him down to sit beside her on James’ bed. “What’s wrong, Sirius?”

  
“Nothing,” he tries, grinning-but-actually-grimacing at her, “why do you ask?”

  
“Jesus, Black, you look like Severus just transfigured your hair into snakes, Medusa-style, obviously there’s something wrong. Also the fact that James isn’t talking to you is a bit of a clue that there’s something up,” she says it all softly, despite the more harsh words, and Sirius feels his (albeit pretty weak) resolve start to crumble.

  
“Promise not to laugh?”

  
“I make no promises, but tell me anyway.”

  
“Okay,” deep breath, Black, “I really like Lupin. Like a lot. Like how James likes you, and how you maybe like him back.”

  
And lo, Lily laughs. Bitch. Proper wheezing, coughing, crying laughter, and Sirius is about to get up again and walk out of the room, with the tips of his ears burning, and the feeling of writhing cobras in his stomach.

  
“No, wait, I’m sorry,” she reaches out and pulls him down beside her again, “it’s just that, oh wait until I tell James – shit I owe him… No wait, sorry, sorry, look, you just need to ask him out, okay? Like for real, not some blubbering, blustering mess of a thing, which knowing you (especially you around Remus), was exactly what you did last time, explaining why everyone is pissed at you… Hmm let me see… Normal date…. Shit…”

  
“Lily, English,” Sirius grinds out between his teeth, not a clue what she is rambling about.

  
“Sorry, Black. Oh wait! Yes! I’ve got it! Right so Marlene bought tickets to the Storming Sirens (not actually merpeople, don’t worry), for her and this girl she kinda half fancied, but turns out the girl had a boyfriend, so Marlene’s looking to sell them, so why don’t you buy them, and ask Remus to go with you? It’s on Saturday night, which is a Hogsmeade day, which is perfect!” she grins at him, and links their fingers, which is a new thing, as she’s more prone to throwing him death glares.

  
Sirius actually cracks his first smile of the day, and squeezes her fingers, “Thanks Lil, that might actually work.”

  
She screeches as she stands, dropping his hand, “Don’t you dare call me that, Black!”

  
He chuckles, slightly more hopeful now as they head first to Transfiguration, and then to seek out Marlene.

  
***

  
It’s much later when Sirius slips out of the common room and towards the library, two tickets clutched in his sweaty hand. Marlene had been more than eager to give them to him, almost fizzing with excitement when he revealed that he was going to ask Remus out. She also scoffed at him for not knowing who the Screaming Sirens were, apparently the biggest thing in Punk Teen Girl Witch Rock (and yes, she said it with the capital letters).

  
The library is empty, which is unsurprising, given as how it’s about half an hour until it closes, and there are no immediate exams looming. Remus is the only resident other than Madam Pince, who flushes slightly when Sirius winks at her as he saunters in, but instead of stopping to flirt a while as he usually does when seeking out Lupin, he passes by her and towards the little nook Remus has commandeered in the modern wizarding history section.

  
Suddenly nervous, he stops at the edge of Moony’s table, instead of plopping down in his usual seat. He waits, chewing his lip, until Remus lifts his head, mouth pink from chewing on his quill, and eyes shadowed, like he slept as little as Sirius last night.

  
“Hi,” Sirius says softly, “mind if I sit?”

  
Remus nods, gesturing at the seat across from him, and the only seat which isn’t covered in discarded rolls of parchment or books with more than a thousand pages each.  
“What time is it?” Remus asks, equally soft, and for once not because they both fear Madam Pince.

  
“About half eight, the library will be closed soon,” Sirius replies.

  
Remus nods, “Right, I best be off then,” and he begins to gather all the stuff that he managed to collect around him since dinner had been served.

  
“No wait,” Sirius reaches out a hand to stop him, but retracts it before it makes contact with Remus’ skin. Remus’ eyes follow Sirius’ motions, and his mouth tightens imperceptibly, but he does pause in gathering himself up, and waits for Sirius to continue.

  
Sirius draws in a shaky breath, steeling himself to what he knows could be outright rejection, “I’m really sorry about yesterday, I didn’t mean what I said, and was being an absolute idiot.”

  
Remus laughs quietly, “I would go so far as to say that you were acting like an absolute dickhead, but what’s new, right? You’re forgiven.”

  
“Right, good, okay, well, um,” Sirius trails off, taking another deep breath, and reminding himself that this is Remus, who he has seen naked (wait no shit don’t think about that Black, the last thing you need right now is a boner), who he has seen crying after a full moon, who he has seen drunk and flushed and very affectionate (actually don’t think about that either, because fuuuck). Okay, you got this.

  
“So I have tickets to see this band, and um,” shit why didn’t he plan this? Oh fuck. Right, act casual, real casual, if he just acts really casual, then maybe rejection can be laughed off like it was no big deal, that he was only asking that they go as friends or something. Right okay, that’s the plan.

  
“Well I was going to take Marlene, but she can’t go, and I was wondering if you would like to go with me instead?” Yes, nailed it, Black.

  
But Remus’ face falls, and he looks like he’s about to throw up. What the fuck? Shit, Sirius never though that he was quite that repulsive. Remus angrily gathers up the rest of his mess, showing it inside his leather satchel, before finally making eye contact with Sirius again, and are his eyes watering?

  
“You haven’t a fucking clue, do you Sirius? God why do I even waste my time… I suppose this is all just some fucking game to you.” And he storms out, leaving Sirius dumbfounded at the table, two tickets still burning in his pocket, and Madam Pince shooting him sympathetic looks, amidst not-quite-so-gentle encouragements to leave the library.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought!


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Right, what have you done now?” James asks, his tone even, and something almost like sympathy flickering in his eyes.
> 
> “Yeah, what the fuck, Sirius? Remus was in bits when he arrived back. I hope you know that I’m super pissed at you,” Peter’s high voice is rarely threatening, but tonight it makes Sirius’ palms sweat and his mouth go dry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had such a nice plan for this chapter, but I don't think I got across the mood I was hoping for, but I want to finsih this series so here. I hope you all enjoy nevertheless.

Sirius wanders the corridors for hours after his most recent disastrous attempt to ask Remus on a date, until eventually Dumbledore finds him on his way to the kitchens for a hot cocoa and chases him on to bed. The common room is mostly empty when he arrives back; James and Peter both still up, playing a subdued game of exploding snap.

Sirius tries to avoid eye contact, but James spots him and beckons him over. Sirius has never feared Peter before, but something about the disappointed look in his eyes inspires more terror in Sirius than any of the menagerie of assholes his mother had ever paraded through Grimmauld Place.

“Right, what have you done now?” James asks, his tone even, and something almost like sympathy flickering in his eyes.

“Yeah, what the fuck, Sirius? Remus was in bits when he arrived back. I hope you know that I’m super pissed at you,” Peter’s high voice is rarely threatening, but tonight it makes Sirius’ palms sweat and his mouth go dry.

He looks down, blinking back tears, “I don’t know. All I did was ask him to go see this band with me. He’s probably just utterly disgusted that I would ask him out, that someone like me could have a crush on him. Or maybe he’s realised that I really am as worthless as my parents say I am. Not that he’d be wrong, but I do wish he would have told me instead of just running away.”

Sirius doesn’t see Peter open his mouth, cheeks suddenly a bright pink, or James silencing him with a look. He also misses realisation dawning in James’ eyes, and simply continues staring morosely at the ground. 

“Sirius,” James eventually breaks the silence, voice soft, “I think there has been a huge misunderstanding. Remus doesn’t think you’re worthless, quite the opposite really. But mostly because you are not worthless, no one thinks that, and your parents are assholes, which you know, you remind Regulus of that fact on a regular basis. Now, I suggest you go to bed, and if Remus is still awake, you should probably talk to him about your actual feelings, yeah? Don’t even bother asking him out; just tell him you like him.”

And then his arms are being slung around Sirius, and Peter joins in, tugging them both to the sofa, and Sirius’ sniffles are interrupted by a low chuckle as the majority of the marauders tuck their gangly limbs into a snuggle pile, which is as close to perfect as possible without a Moony involved. Cuddles trump Cheering Charms any day.

Eventually, however, Sirius extricates himself from the heap, and, combing his fingers through his hair, climbs the stairs to the boys’ dorms. When he reaches their room, he pauses outside the door, but, hearing nothing, takes a final deep breath, and steps in.

The room is exactly as he left it that morning, but this time, the curtains around Remus’ bed are drawn shut.

“Remus?” he calls softly, and gets no reply. He tries again, louder this time, “Remus?”

Again, there is no reply, and Sirius swallows down a lump in his throat, quickly shucking off his robes and crawling into his own four-poster. Just before he pulls the curtains shut though, he whispers, “I’m really sorry, Moony.” Unsure Remus even heard, he drops back onto his pillows, and falls into a restless sleep.

Remus, in his bed, lays awake, blinking away tears as he tugs his blankets over his head.

***

Sirius doesn’t know what time it is when he wakes up to a draught of cold air hitting the exposed back of his neck but hE DOESN’T LIKE IT. Thus when he turns to face Remus he is snarling, and ready to fuck shit up. All of which changes when his eyes focus enough in the dim light to recognise who it is.

“Moony?” he croaks out, still too bleary eyed to recognize how Remus’ pupils dilate at the sound of his voice.

“Can I get in?” Remus’ voice is low and unsteady, and a little bit hoarse from crying, and Sirius would give him the world in this moment should he feel the need to ask for it.

“Uh, yeah, yeah of course,” he replies, rolling over and holding up the covers to allow Remus’ slight body to slip in. As he waits for Remus to clamber in, his eyes drink in the other boy’s loose black boxer shorts, his old, tight Gryffindor t-shirt, which exposes a pale line of skin at his abdomen. Moony’s lean muscle structure is emphasised by the stretch of the t-shirt around his biceps and shoulders, and coupled with his tousled light brown hair and sleep flushed cheeks, causes Sirius’ mouth to grow very dry, very fast.

As soon as he’s under the covers, Remus presses his perpetually cold feet against Sirius’ shins, and he gasps at the sudden shock. Remus smirks at him, but swiftly sobers up.

“I wanted to apologise, Sirius. I was acting totally irrational in the library, and I’m sorry for hurting your feelings,” Remus finally announces, watching Sirius with sincere, unblinking eyes.

Sirius is unsure how to reply, unsure where this leaves the relationship between himself and Remus. And the way Remus is pressing his feet against his legs, and the way that he can feel his warm breath on his face give him hope that Remus is interested in being more than just friends. But his words imply that he isn’t and it’s all too much.

“I don’t understand, and I don’t know what to say, Remus,” Sirius cringes at his own ineloquence, but Remus’ hands have reached up to play with his hair, and he can’t even think anymore.

“Shhhh it’s okay, we’ll talk tomorrow morning. But we’re both sorry, and both forgiven, so go to sleep,” and Remus’ eyes drift shut, his lashes fluttering on his high cheekbones, and he inches infinitesimally closer to Sirius.

Sirius dares not move, still unsure whether or not he is dreaming, and loses his eyes, cautious to even draw breath. It’s easy to fall asleep with Moony beside him, he feels safer, and more loved than he has since he was sorted into Gryffindor.

***

When Sirius wakes up he’s in the same position he fell asleep in, and Remus is still asleep only inches away. If he was beautiful last night, Remus is radiant this morning, suffused with the rose light that filters through the curtains, rumpled, flushed, his face more at peace than Sirius has ever seen it. His beauty is heart-wrenching, soft and delicate in a way that Sirius could never be, his pale skin stretched like silk over the carved ivory of his cheekbones, and even his crooked nose looks gentle in the way healed wounds can if they don’t look like they were deserved.

Sirius feels like crying, but he’s not exactly sure why, and decides instead to waken Remus, knowing that he can’t just stay in bed all day gazing pathetically at his best friend.

“Moony,” he says quietly, reaching out to touch the other boy’s shoulder, “it’s time to wake up.”

Remus does not enjoy waking up, and his well-rehearsed chorus of moans and groans begin as soon as Sirius touches him, but when his eyes part blearily, and he makes out the blurred form of Sirius, he stops complaining, smiles, and reaches for his glasses.

“Good morning, Pads,” his hoarse voice croaks, and Sirius smirks in response, climbing out of the bed, and swiftly tugging on his bathrobe before the cold air starts to bite at him. 

As previously established, they have their own routine in the morning, and Sirius, afraid to disturb this fresh peace between Remus and himself, follows it as he would any other morning. And if Remus uses his snooze time to watch Sirius getting ready through the curtains, there is no one around to prove it.

***

After Remus spent the night in his bed, and they spent a morning back to their old routine, Sirius is more confident that Remus might actually be open to going out with him sometime, and Sirius thinks he has finally figured out the perfect way to do it. Obviously, being around Moony turns Sirius into a stuttering, orally stunted mess, but Sirius is as literate as he is eloquent, and thus, a note asking him out would be fool proof, right?

Wrong. Sirius’ bright idea to write a note to tell Remus how much he liked him and how much he wanted to go on a date with him was executed during Potions class, and having swiftly scribbled this honest-to-God love note, he discreetly passed it to Prongs, to pass it to Wormtail, to pass it to Remus. The problem occurred when Wormtail, very indiscreetly, decided to read the contents of this note, just as Slughorn happened to be ambling by. Smelling a rat (haha), and still emotionally scarred from the last Marauder prank his classroom saw (it involved a frog, a faulty love potion, several stink bombs, and a Slytherin scarf), he was not prepared to allow further Marauder antics to fester.

Which is how it arrived to this: Slughorn shushing the class and beginning to read the note, as Sirius, flushed more scarlet than his school tie, dropped his head to his desk, hard. Alas, the contact did not knock him out, and he, along with the rest of the class, listened in rapt attention to the words Slughorn proceeds to read out.

“Remus, I know that last night you said that all apologies were said and all sins forgiven, but I wanted to reiterate how sorry I am for being such an absolute prick these past few days. Obviously, you mean more to me than I can conceivably put into words, and the loss of your friendship scares me like nothing else, so I would ask that if you don’t feel the same, you just ignore the rest of this letter, and we can pretend that nothing ever happened. So, onwards. I feel like I shouldn’t need to say this, but knowing you as I do, I’m quite sure you need reminded of just how beautiful you are. There’s more than just how you look though, because although I act as shallow as a puddle,, I could never feel for a soulless mannequin as I feel about you. And you are probably pretty sure now how I feel about you, but in case you are still unsure, I think now is the time to say that I-“

“Ah, Professor Slughorn, reading out a note I see. Well, I’m sure it is very enlightening, but I think I will take that, and I’ll take a word with Mr Black here too,” Dumbledore says this with a knowing smile, as he enters the room with timing as impeccable as always, and turns his twinkling eyes on Sirius, who is wishing that the ground would just suck him down to hell already, where he belongs. Dumbedore begins to walk back towards the door, having retrieved the godforsaken note from Slughorn, and Sirius has no choice but to pick up his things and follow Dumbledore, actively avoiding Remus’ eyes.

Dumbledore is waiting for him when he shuts the door to the Potions room behind him, “That was quite some note you had written, Mr Black.”

“Yes, sir, I suppose it was,” Sirius stammers, still flushed, and now somehow yet more embarrassed.

“I’m going to tell you a secret, Mr Black, and I would ask that you not repeat it,” after Sirius nods his assent, Dumbledore continues, “When I was about your age, I liked my best friend in the way that you like yours, and just like you, I assumed that he was solely interested in being friends. However, when he eventually found out how I felt, I discovered that the feelings were reciprocated, and we were quite happy for some time. The trick is, of course, how to decide that he likes you as you like him, yes? Well, I will tell you this now; you will never know for sure. But by the way Mr Lupin was watching you in the classroom there now, I’d say you have quite a good chance Mr Black.”

And at that, Dumbledore departs with a wink and a smile, leaving Sirius utterly befuddled, and yet also strangely comforted.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! The next chapter will hopefully be up next week!


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